the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
