when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
