Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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