Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
