So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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