Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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