just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
