i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
