hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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