i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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