Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
