so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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