It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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