Moan for me like Helen Keller
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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