I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
