i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
