there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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