My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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