You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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