perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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