I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
