Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
