turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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