Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
