i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
