dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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