nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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