I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
