what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
