is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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