At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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