I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
