There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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