I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.