So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.