you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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