i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.