Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.