His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
