69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
