im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
