the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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