I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
