People with herpes should wear stickers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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