I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
