It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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