Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
