In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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