You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
