Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
