I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
