somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
