Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
