I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
