Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
