shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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