ugly people sure do ruin things
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
