Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All the doctor said was why
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
