Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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