i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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