The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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