hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How's work?
Spinning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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