if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
