I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
